Well, the balance is a consequence of my work. In the first years when I had my Mama foundation, I was the president of this charity and being a writer, it was hard for me not only because of my time but it was more based on my identity: who I am, am I the only person who will write fiction to be based on poetry and literature? Or am I a person that should help women and mothers 24 hours a day?
The first and the second are really important for me. Now that I'm an activist, working or co-working with other organisations, I don't have the Mama foundation anymore. But still, there's a lot of time to be active in the feminist movement.
So, I think that it's also based on my experience of working with other people. Some of the stories I heard from when I was working in the foundation were the beginning of my short stories. I think it's like bonsai plants. There are two sides and two ways of my life but they are very close to each other.

Since I can remember, I was always a queer. I was a strange person in the beginning of the nineties when people in Poland usually didn't have dreadlocks, piercings or tattoos. As a teenager I learned that being a 'different' person is based the troubles you've had and, in some instances, hard situations in the streets. I think that I just had to accept my identity, I had to accept that I'm a queer person because I didn't fit in. When you are young sometimes it helps you to think about yourself as a person who just has the right to be different. Now that I'm 40 something, I think that I still feel this kind of anger inside of me every time I hear that I can’t do something or that I don't deserve to be somebody, and my identity is based on just be who I am and that's it. Being a queer is always being, not even against, it's just not viewed like that, not in the main front of society.

My first novel in 2008 was based on gender theories. I thought that, at the beginning, I would try to be a feminist writer and say it loudly. I thought that it could be a good strategy to take these gender theories inside of the culture and society in Poland for others to read. But on the other hand, I know that sometimes for people gender, especially in this very right-wing Catholic society in Poland, is something that they are afraid of, simply because they don't understand it and they don't want to understand it.
Sometimes it's really hard to be a writer because people think that you're not a writer, you're a kind of ideology, or because of the Communist time, people don't like this kind of perspective that is based on ideology. Of course, there's no ideology inside of gender. But for the people in Poland, in its so-called official discourse, it still is. So, in my work, I try to also write based on simple human stories. They are not a text about a whole society but one person with a name and surname. And I hope that for the people, it will be easier to understand when they have the so-called human story. I think it could be better to also be closer to this.

It's a hard question because when you live in small groups with people who have similar values that you have, it's easy to say “they're all feminists with queer identities.” But, like I said before, our society is more or less conservative, conservative on the official and emancipates and at home.
I think that this is a kind of a story that I use my work for in order to be a part of this queer movement and be a part of this emancipation role in our society. It's not that I can just use it, it's something that is based on some kind of work. I also think that the biggest issue now is just to be alive and to be who we are and sometimes your identity, even if you're not an activist, is a problem for society.

I was worried about the LGBT teenagers because I know that they are people who are used to living with their parents at home and they don't have their own money and right to live how they want. So, I was worried that these people simply have no rights in Poland. I thought that I'm an adult, an independent woman with resources, so my outcome should be easy for me, and it was.
But for many people in Poland, it's almost impossible to say loudly that you're LGBTQ. I was also hoping that I would teach younger generations – maybe not even teach, but to show them that you have a right to be who you are. I wanted to support these people to even be some sort of a role model for them, as I'm quite well-known in Poland. I felt that maybe it could help teenagers have this kind of person in the media who are similar to them and could show them support.

I was writing in the middle of a holiday in 2020 when we were having a large crisis in Poland. So, I thought that it could be and it should be a strong text. Not only an essay about something, but I wanted to be 100% myself in this text. I thought that it could be political and personal at the same time, as the slogan of the second wave of feminism.

I have my personal story and I'm not ashamed of it. I think it can be a strong voice, it can show other people what it is like to be a lesbian mother in Poland. I think that my experience could also be interesting for others. So, I just took the risk and did the personal text.

My identity as a queer person goes back to since I can remember. I didn't know this word before, like 25 years ago. But, generally, I was a part of a narcofeminism group and we had lots of riot girls so I knew that you could be whoever you are and you want. I always wanted to have children and I always wanted to be in a relationship. It could be a boy, a girl, whatever. I just knew that I'm this kind of person who thinks about love, not gender. So, of course, it was strange in Poland, but on the other hand, I was always part of punk movements based on feminist, small societies in Poland, so I feel safe with this way of thinking. I think that being a writer was only another step to becoming more independent.

I use, for example, my social media and I know it's important now because we are living online. Every time I have an opportunity, I read about something different just to see the difference between people who are just free and those who are afraid of anything that could be not 100% Polish, Catholic, etc. I think that everybody is different and sometimes every person is some kind of queer. I just it like when people realise this kind of way of thinking about themselves. So, this is a part of my work. But the public discourse, of course, is very homophobic because of the fear of being non-normative and because people just don't know the person and don't know the people who are not heterosexual and well, here I am.

It's a hard question because first, I wanted to be as supportive as I could to the others by showing them that you could still be a queer person in Poland and still be alive. This is the main way of thinking about this subject, but on the other hand, of course, and as an activist, I wanted to change this public discourse of homophobia. I am really happy that people have rainbow flags on their windows or balconies. And just to be a good ally and support the LGBTQ movement. I know that the changes are coming but, for me, it's still very slow.

(Laughs) it's complicated. I'm still in Poland: I live here, I was born here... I can be in any other country but I'm still here. Maybe it's hard because I still believe that I could change this public discourse. Who knows?

That happened in the middle of the pandemic, it’s still a strange time, so I don’t know exactly. But what I discovered is that people want to talk about my identity and want to talk with me about the LGBTQ community problems that we have. So, there are curiosities about these kinds of people and it's really nice that they want to talk so I'm there and trying to answer all of the questions.

Every day is hard because even if you're an activist, and you know the rules so you know what people will say, but your work is to say no, you are also working based on your identity. When you are a queer person, and you're talking about homophobia, you will definitely be based on your own identity and your own private relations and your private life. So, it's really frustrating and it's really hard and sometimes you feel exhausted about this thing.
It’s really good and I think even necessary to think about yourself in this and to think about the rest. It's really hard to be in Poland but on the other hand, I feel okay with it because I am just 100% who I am – well, maybe not 100, but more or less. Even if people will say that I'm after an ideology (as the president of this state said) I just know and feel that this is untrue.

You're right, I believe being a writer is a social role. I can't be quiet: I don't want to be quiet. When I was 14 and became interested in punk, I knew that I felt anger. This anger is what gives me the power to try to change the world. I know it sounds very naive, but I still want to be naive. I want to be an advocate for social change. I want to be a part of the discussion, I want to tell people that we, as a queer person, as a queer society, have the right to be here and we are people, not an ideology.

The most important thing is empathy and thinking about people as good. It's about still believing. I still believe in the debate, in contacting people one-on-one and speaking about important things and being connected with others and not just living your own world. That said, Facebook or any other social media usually do this kind of thing when you are in the bubbles. I don't want to be this kind of person.
I still believe that it is important to talk with others and to be yourself. I know, it sounds like a commercial statement but be yourself even when people say “I don't like your attitude, I don't like you,” you can say “okay, you don't have to like it, I will live for myself,” and that's it.