I think what I loved was freedom. I was outside all the time. I never had any shoes on, and I was always digging. It was so nice just getting to be on people’s farms and gardens, spending time with animals, and climbing trees. There’s a river by the back of our house, and we were always in the river, always trying to build a boat, always failing to build a boat, always sinking. It was just so fun.

I felt like I wasn’t able to be myself in Ireland as much. Being in an arts high school with a lot more diverse people and a lot of Queer people was a really eye-opening opportunity for me to be like, oh wow, life could be like this too. I was really thrown into the deep end with that experience, but in a really fun way. They [her parents] didn’t really think through how teenagers in America all have cars, so I was just everywhere doing everything all the time, and it was the best. It was also an arts high school within a university, so I had a lot of older friends. I fell in love with my first girlfriend, Casey, who was in university and had a car. I definitely wasn’t out before then or had even really considered what being Queer would actually mean to be honest. It was such a lovely way to fall in love for the first time; it was very dreamy. But then it was also very stressful towards the end because, you know, I was definitely not following the rules.

I suppose this is not really an interview my parents are going to read, so it’s fine [laughs]. My neighbour was my age, and I used to go out the window and hang out with him by the fence like nearly every night during the summer, but it was not as cute as you’d imagine. We would steal alcohol from our parents and get hammered. That was really fun, but the process was really stressful. I used to go out the window and then go to the left, and that’s where the sensor light would be, so I would run through a certain section of the garden, and then I would crouch down and wait until the sensor light went off, my heart racing. Which is part of what the collection is inspired by, like excitement but also stress and desire. The clandestine nature of youth.
One day I thought, Gosh, this is too stressful. You know, I can’t be having all this stress in my nighttime routine. I’m going to have to switch the direction I go. So maybe I’ll go by the right, I’ll go down by the river. I never wore shoes out; I don’t know why I just never did. Just pyjama bottoms, a hoodie or something, and bare feet. And so I hopped out the window, turned right, and went down by the river to a little path there, going along. I then hopped over the fence into the field to the back of my neighbours house and just ended up being knee-deep in cow shit. So I started dredging along the edge in the shit and muck, and then I hear a stampede of cows, and, because they’re so curious, you know they were just running towards to hear what the sound was, but I was like, fuck!, and started screaming my neighbours name and running through the mud, with my pyjama bottoms covered in shit. I had to leap off this fence onto his back with my shitty legs on his chest. But yeah, I didn’t get trampled by cows, so that was good.

Last season a lot of the collection started with a photo of me, I think I was 11 or 12, and I was in this T-shirt, which was an Emily The Strange T-shirt that stated “Children Should Not Play With Dead Things’’ and I loved that. And then I had these cargo trousers, like the Avril Lavigne ones, but they were from Dunlop. I had this polka dot black tutu moment that I loved to wear. And then I had these hand-me-down jeans from an older cousin, they were Guess jeans, and they were so low, with a tiny zip right at my crotch. I used to wear them with this tight, off the shoulder Nirvana top, a really sprayed back, greasy ponytail, and tiny glasses. [laughs] So it was interesting. I think I’ve never quite felt like I fit in; always at the intersection of many things.

My Granny was just so kind and loving. I think some of the fondest memories were just being in my pyjamas at her house, just making stuff together. We would always run into her house to this closet where we would keep all of her scraps of things to make stuff with, and we would fight over who got which bit of fabric. Then we’d be sitting in front of the fire and making all sorts of stuff. She used to make all of her own clothes. She made my mum’s wedding dress, her own wedding outfit, mine and my sisters communion dresses. She was just amazing. I mean, I have such incredible memories. My fondest memory is this. I would not leave her alone at night. She used to stay with us, I lived in Dublin till I was 7, and she had a room and would stay there quite a lot, cause my Grandad died before I was born. So she would come quite often and take care of us. I used to wet the bed every night and then go knock on her door and she would change me and put me into her bed. I just remember being lifted into her bed, because her bed felt so high – I’m sure it was just a normal size bed, but because I was that little it felt really high. And I remember my mum had said “Nanny you can’t be bothered by Sinéad every night, you’ll never get a good night’s sleep.” And so my mum said “I’m putting a latch on your door so she can’t get in” so she tried to do that and then I just stood there and knocked. Apparently my Granny loved to tell the story of me just standing there and hearing knock knock knock, and eventually she would open up the door for me.

This is why I ended up calling the collection DÚIL. I wasn’t really sure what to call it. I’m bad at naming things, but I love that desire has so many meanings. Initially, I’d been thinking about the intersection of this romantic idea of things, like her cinematic version vs. my grubby, outdoors in the rain version. Thinking about that word, it really sums her up. She was 98 when she passed away, and she sent me handwritten letters till the end. And in the letters, she would be picking out things from magazines. She was always listening to this radio show in the last 2 years of her life, which was about entrepreneurs or something, because she wanted to learn more things so that she could connect. And I felt so much from her, she just really wanted to connect til the last minute. Even if she didn’t have a particular thing in common with someone, she would learn something about it and always showed interest, like, really. That’s such a rare trait these days. She just had a real desire to connect. Obviously she had TV shows she’d like to watch, but if I was home, she would turn it off and be ready for connection. I think that’s something I really take from her, to make an effort with relationships, because she made a really huge effort with all of her relationships and showed so much interest.

We actually ended up meeting in quite a funny way, which was that I did not like her at first.

I was on a date with a girl at this night that my friend Hannah performed at, and then Ottilie turned up and made out with the girl that I was on a date with, to cut a long story short. She didn’t know me and didn’t realise we were on a date, but I was salty about it. And then I held it against her for the next few weeks until we actually met again. My friend invited her to this day of vintage shopping we had planned, and I was like, why are you here, you bitch?” She didn’t remember because she didn’t really understand that there had ever been a situation at all. So I was just livid for no reason, and she won me over that day, and then we kind of became obsessed with each other that day, and that was that.

Actually, I know exactly what it was about her. Obviously there had been that situation, so I was a bit like, hmm and she didn’t know that. But she was clearly super into me and really let it be known in this vulnerable way. I really liked that boldness about her. She looked quite cutesy at the time, so she didn’t really look like the sort of person who would blatantly be going for you. I really liked that because it’s the opposite of me. I can be a lot more shy and, I would say a lot less bold in my personality, especially at the time. She was so happy to show that she was interested in me, and I really thought that was warm.

Those things about her personality that were so different from mine. I think there are so many things, especially that. When we met, I was struggling with my eating disorder, and I had such a bad relationship with food, my body, and self-hate, and she just didn’t have that at all. Weirdly, that was so healing because she was just so free and just loved me and didn’t connect at all with these horrible negative things that I was feeling and thinking. And that was quite liberating to me. I think especially femme people have a lot of stuff from how we’re conditioned, and it was really nice to see myself through her eyes, actually.

I felt like our wedding was really cute. I think what made it particularly joyous was that it was very spontaneous and quite random. We lived in New York, then moved to London for me to do my MA. We always thought we might move back, so we decided to get married with our friends in New York, but quite casually, I suppose. We didn’t really put any planning into it; we were quite busy. We went to all the charity shops to find wedding dresses, but then we were like, eh, so we ended up just wearing these crystal bikini tops and getting married on Fire Island. We just went with our friends. It was very spontaneous and joyful because it wasn’t stressful. I just remember feeling very, ecstatically happy.
We got married on the beach, and when we came back, our friends told the drag queens [who were doing the brunch in our hotel] that we just got married. So these drag queens broke into our room, and they were on the balcony, drinking our champagne, and fizzing it out the window. It was so good. And they played – what’s that song where they hold up the – Oh! The Circle of Life. Such a fun moment! Then we ran from our hotel room and jumped into the pool, which is kind of funny because I can’t really swim and I was a bit drunk at that point. That was really such a joyful moment. It was just really funny. It was silly. I’m really glad we got married in that way, because I think now that I’m older, if I were to get married, it would probably have to be this whole shindig. I definitely wouldn’t have gotten away with getting married without my family now because, actually, I think that perhaps that was a little bit, maybe, rude. I didn’t think it through because we were so young. We were just like, whatever, we’re going to get in here and just get married on Fire Island!

We met and then did so many very life-changing things together, like moving to London. Ottilie decided to do a master’s in photography, but she’d never done photography before, and I started a brand by total and utter chance. There have been some really bad moments and there have been some really wonderful moments, and I think maybe that’s what’s kept the romance alive. That there has been so much change and seeing how each other has devolved and grown together. I’m still so excited to spend time with her. I’m still completely obsessed with her. I think that’s because we have just been changing so much and have managed to change together in a way that worked, because of course that doesn’t always happen. We both know that we want to be together. We want the relationship to be even better. I don’t know what keeps the relationship alive, just that we’re both just excited still.

So many things, I mean, it’s just amazing. A really boring part of the answer, but actually a very important one, is that it’s so hard to spend time with people. When you work with friends and family, you get to have these beautiful moments of creativity together, but you also get to be in the same room. You get to be together and share moments and support each other. That’s something in particular I have with Jade, where I actually don’t see her as much as I want to. I think about her all the time. So at least when we work with each other on different things, we are there for each other’s important moments through working together. That’s so special, actually. When I think about it, it is really special to be there. Also, the element of growing together as artists. When you’re working together, you’re also shaping each other’s practices, and that’s really exciting and makes stronger friendships too; lifting each other in that way. I’m so lucky to have friends who are willing to give their time, creativity, and energy. It adds so much, especially in the beginning of a business, when you make no money at all. Every mistake you make costs you all the money you had. [Screams] So being able to work with friends who just believe in what you’re doing also gives you a lot of confidence and makes you feel good. Especially in moments when you’re not feeling good and you’re like, what am I doing? What’s the point? It’s important to give each other validation in that way. Ultimately, we all want to be able to spend more time together. Actually, that’s my intention – to spend more time with my friends and family, the people I love. And not always working but also relaxing.

Especially in the first season, it was such a cute moment after the show. Everyone was really, really happy, and everyone was crying. My models usually end up hanging out a lot and getting to know each other, and that’s so lovely. I met so many amazing people through casting with Emma [Matell]. I imagine as a model, regardless of what size you are, to feel like, wow, we all get to be here, and getting to be around a diverse group of people must actually be quite a relief, just even for a moment in that context, because it’s not nice if not everyone is included, then it feels precarious.

For me, the most impactful aspect of that has been myself. During my MA was when I realised that I had struggled with a sort of really distorted vision of myself, and through making this work, it’s just helped so much. Maybe weirdly similar to when I went to North Carolina, when I was like, I can just be this weird nerdy person who paints all day. Fuck. And then realising I can just be whatever shape or size I am. Of course that’s a very privileged thing to say, but I mean, within my brand, within my room, within the bubble I’ve created, like in my brand space, I’m making clothes that I can wear if I gain or lose weight. Whatever happens, I’m creating a world that anyone, ideally, can be a part of. Clothing is very limiting. If you can’t put it on, you can’t put it on; there’s nothing abstract about that. I just really enjoy being able to make clothes that everyone can be a part of.

I think she would be very surprised. Part of my relationship with fashion started because I felt like I was so strange, and I thought in fashion everyone could be more strange. That’s maybe why I became really obsessed with being thin because I was tall and gangly when I was younger, and I thought that could be my thing. Yeah, I probably would be quite surprised, not because I was not a nice person, but because I wasn’t mean to anyone but myself. I think I would be so happy to see that I could not hate myself so much, actually. It is exciting to feel that I don’t because it has been many, many years of feeling so uncomfortable in my skin.

Buyers buying larger sizes, which has happened this season. What fills me with hope day to day is all the amazing people on my team, which sounds very twee, but it’s genuinely something that me and my assistants talk about all the time. Our interns bring so much care and creativity and joy and kindness and life. The creative energy they share, the passion they have for the brand. I don’t think anyone who works for us is doing so because they’re imagining large paychecks and glamour and going to parties. They’re coming because they care about what we’re doing, they know we’re building it, and they know we’re going to get there. Everyone who wants to work with us just brings something really beautiful and I’m so lucky. Especially on the days I’m feeling really upset or just defeated. Having people around who care enough to be there because they think what we’re doing is meaningful. That is the most joyful thing, actually. These people are coming here, who knows what they’ll do next, and that’s so exciting. Creating the space for them to dream in this way is also important, because so many brands that you could intern with are very restrictive in terms of, essentially, sizing. So being able to show them you can try and do this. You can try and change something.

I mean, butt-plugs are always inspiring me. Right now what is inspiring me is the idea of rest and relaxation. I usually know exactly what I’m doing for the next season, but I wouldn’t say motifs come to mind. It is more of a feeling, more of an energy. A way of dressing maybe.

I’m looking forward to not wearing a coat when I’m cycling. It’s been a very long cycling season in the cold. I would like there to be no rain and coats. I can’ wait to be cycling through East London without my runners on and with sandals on.

Probably like before the show. Sometimes things would be so exhausting that we would all just laugh hysterically, just like spontaneous laughter out of the pure madness that is fashion week.

Being able to walk somewhere and not rush. And waking up and being like, oh, I don’t have any plans. That is like the ultimate pleasure.

I think my team at the moment, obviously I could also say my amazing family and friends. But actually right in this moment post show and just nearly post- production, my team, my assistants, Nile and Katie and Becky and my amazing interns. We wouldn’t be here without them. So yeah, that’s what I was grateful for.