Yes, I was experiencing panic attacks and my voice was broken. Which was the reason for the one hundred to a zero decision, even though, in fact, it wasn’t like that, I pulled the plug in early 2019 but I still had some commitments, so, while I was winding down, I wasn’t at a zero until the end of 2019. And yes, I most definitely had some sort of identity crisis in relation to all this.
For so many years, I had been the ‘pull through’ kinda gal. When it came to working, to my singing, to my way of being a human. And now, there was nothing more to pull from. So trying to find out who I was, and how to have value, now that I couldn’t be that person anymore, was definitely a puzzle. I think I needed that change though, regardless. I had to find balance. It’s totally ok to be that pull through, a workaholic splatter of passion person, but I also needed to find zen and grounding… And just all those other things in life that bring joy besides music/my career.
“I’m so lucky to have a job that I love – it lifts me up, but I need to make sure not to burn out, otherwise it won’t last. But, on the contrary, I also don’t want to be this perfect pile of wood kindling, lying around waiting for a lighter.”