Shygirl

I think that’s the main point of art – to contemplate the world that you currently exist in. Everyone is going to have their own perspective on the art that you make, as well as the intention behind it. So even me sharing my feelings or my responses to the world naturally provides a conversation starter by positioning a topic as something important to view. There should be a push towards the reality that you desire, so that you’re not just passive.

I found myself in the club community – I found confidence in who I am, who I want to be, and the type of community that I want to advocate for. And I always want other people to take it on themselves to push for what they want. If you’re passionate about the type of world that you want to exist in, you need to make a difference for yourself. I do think that the clubbing community – with their hedonism – are advocates for that. You know that things are fleeting and if you don’t reach out for what you want and desire, then no one’s going to give it to you. You can find that in any kind of creative and progressive community. But it feels the most transient in music, and the environment is left up to interpretation by whoever experiences it – like the queer community. And so, it is an act of protest because it makes it easier to exist as whatever feels natural to you.

Definitely, because I have an unquestionable confidence in being able to assert who I am. And that’s while being adjacent to others who have found it so difficult to do that. I have such privilege in that my existence hasn’t been questioned so much. So, I’ve really wanted to make the most of that. I think it’s definitely empowered me and made me speak up, because if I don’t, how am I going to open doors for those who can’t?

My queerness is just a part of who I am. It is an important part, but I’m also just one person – the queer community is so diverse. And it’s really important to show that diversity and to show that it’s just completely normal. We have to be thinking outside of the box; to be pushing against what other people are comfortable with. I’m always questioning: Why are people comfortable with things like this? or Why did I make that assumption? I want to grow; I want to learn more about myself. And I want to keep that same space for anyone who interacts with me – to be able to think more broadly, and to really appreciate every moment of their life.

I think everyone should be slightly uncomfortable. I feel like there are times when I seek out music just to be comforted, and then there are times when I want to be provoked. I want to feel something. And I think everyone should have that opportunity. The things that I’m thinking and saying aren’t going to be for everyone. Everyone isn’t going to get the same things from my music. But at least they’re going to feel something! I’d hate for someone to just be ambivalent.

Everyone has a personal journey, but there’s also a societal journey that we go on in our relationship with connections, especially sex. It’s hard because you figure out so much about yourself through the connections you have with others – and that comes with many pitfalls. Nobody is a perfect individual. And when you have feelings on the table, there’s always room to make mistakes and to be hurt. This goes into a broader conversation around holding people accountable for their actions while still having faith in them to learn! This is why it’s important that people talk about abuse and manipulation, because otherwise you end up in toxic relationships without realising. And I do believe this sometimes starts with talking about sex in the most explicit terms to remove the stigma around these deeper conversations.
I see myself doing this in a broader context with my music. It has helped me contextualise situations with my friends, and explore narratives that I may not have had control over in my life. Even when it comes to being viewed as a sexual object. It’s something that happened quite early on in my life – being told not to wear low cut tops or short skirts. But I didn’t know what it meant for me because I was just being told what it meant for other people. A lot of my music is about finding a comfortable space for myself to reclaim this.

I don’t get much backlash to the music I make, but in real life when I’m just being myself, someone will often look at me in a lewd way or make a comment. It’s been a hard battle to find space for myself and to be carefree. Because, ultimately, that’s my goal – to be carefree. I don’t want to be thinking about other people’s agendas for me, whether it’s in my life or in my music. I’m not here to educate everyone. And I think putting energy into my music helps me to find balance, even if there are times when I can’t be bothered to push back or call out every little thing.

I really want to help people see the world as I see it. But it’s been weird since the release of the second EP, because I’ve had more of an awareness of people listening to my music. I think it has really changed my intention because in asserting so much of my strength, I’ve bypassed some facts about myself and my vulnerability. I’ve not told the entirety of the story – that you have to be vulnerable and sensitive to find that strength within yourself. That’s what I’ve tried to do in this album – to show a more vulnerable side of myself to better contextualise my humanity. Because I really want people to learn to treat me nice, you know? It’s difficult to streamline a message and to tell the full story when you’re so public, but I hope people can have space for it and understand that there’s more to be told.

That there’s strength in sensitivity and vulnerability. That’s a big thing to admit, you know? But, for me, the best thing about being in different types of relationships and about falling in love is the vulnerability. And I’ve found that by putting myself into my music and being up on stage. It’s thrilling to expose yourself and to withstand it – to come out the other side. I really want other people to open themselves up to it.

I just really relate to the colour blue at the moment! And there’s a subtlety to the muted tones where you have to look a bit longer and a bit deeper. With my new music, I want people to see the whole picture and not get drawn in too much to certain details. My intentions with the creative right now are to show my reality, and my perception of things in nature and in urban environments. I like constructing and collaging these together with the artwork inside of me – but it’s all slightly surreal. There’s a constructed reality. I feel like we should be able to interact with the world as we see fit. To take it apart and put it back together as we like it.

I’ve stepped back a bit nowadays in terms of being so conscious of my influences, because I’m at a point where I’m outputting everything that has inspired me growing up. But my obvious references are usually film, and I really love old Renaissance paintings. I’m just really aligned with Romanticism. When I started working on this album, I was referencing a lot of Romantic authors like Thomas Hardy. I used to lose myself in books all the time. I really liked reading about romantic stories that ended in disaster – I can relate to that; it felt real to me. It’s something that feels so all-encompassing that I always try to bring that into my work sonically. I’ve also noticed it so much within the queer community. This understanding that nothing lasts forever – it’s all going to end – so you should appreciate it right now while it’s happening.

Most people that I know who are in poly or open relationships genuinely have healthier relationships. They’re more aware of what they need and they’re able to communicate that with their partners. But it’s a tough call for me because I don’t think I necessarily have healthy relationships, either. I’ve definitely enjoyed the experience of getting to know what I need over time, but it’s constantly changing. My life has changed so much! I don’t even have that much time anymore. There is a desire for intimacy on an emotional level, but I’m just on tour so much. I think I’m trying to communicate with myself through my music that I can figure myself out without being in a relationship. While I enjoy it, I don’t need it. And there’s a lot of power in just choosing to be happy single rather than being in an unhealthy relationship. Of course, it’s going to be different for everyone, but, yeah, I think society has a lot of outdated ideas.

Yeah, but I also have songs that are less obviously provocative. I like being playful, but I also want the music to reflect all the different moods I encompass – especially with this album. My sound in the coming years is probably going to be a lot sweeter. Like Coochie (a bedtime story) is, in some respects, quite an obvious catchy song. But there’s a message in there for myself. I wanted to make a sweet song about coochie that’s empowering in itself. That’s saying: “My body is great. I desire women and I can objectify women as well.” There are so many songs where men are talking about desiring a woman’s body – which are also great – but I just wanted to make a crooning little song that was innocently doing this from a woman’s perspective. But, you know, it’s hard to even get this completely uncensored on the radio – which I found really interesting. I’m speaking from a woman’s perspective about a woman’s body, and in a sweet way, yet I’m still being censored? Why can’t I just talk about a vagina?

Yeah, so there’s no way that the audience can actually make up their own mind. I’d rather the song be out and the public decided they hated it, than not even give them the space to make up their own mind about it. I don’t want to baby people. Maybe something that would have offended people 10 years ago no longer offends people now, but we’ll never know because the same rules are in place.

I love animals, and I’m used to goats because I actually raised a baby goat once with my grandma, who lives in the Caribbean! But this was my second time being in a video with a different artist, and I was coming straight from a flight. I’m a big fan of Twigs anyway, so I really wanted to look good. Obviously, I knew Twigs was going to look good, so I couldn’t look jetlagged! But it was a really great team. Aidan Zamiri directed that video, and I love collaborating with friends. It’s important to say that people like Aidan really make space for me – for what I like, how I feel about everything, and even if I’m happy with how I look in the edits. I’m not super stressed about how I look, but I don’t like when people say they want to collaborate but actually have a different agenda about what they want from you. They don’t always see you the way you see yourself. I’m trying to communicate something with these images and videos, and I want to make sure that my message is being communicated. I don’t make space to be used in my real life, so I don’t want to be in my professional life either. I don’t work with people who’ll tell me, “no, we just don’t do that”. I wouldn’t be so proud to say that my ways of working aren’t moving with the times!

Definitely! Even through me asking questions, I learn more about the people I’m working with. If there’s no compromise or move from them to understand why I’m asking questions, then they’re not for me. Everyone I’ve worked with so far has been great because I’ve made this part of my process. Again, it’s about utilising the privilege that you have. I’ve turned down a lot of things – and will continue to turn them down – when I don’t feel like there’s a conversation to be had around my perspective or ways of working. I want to wedge a gap in the door so that there are more opportunities for other people, and so the client may even start that conversation themselves.

It’s really important to decide what matters to you. Because there will be times when you need to optimise, and then there are times when you need to stop. Ultimately, you have to look at the consequences for the choices you make in your life, and you need to make sure that you’re deliberate with anything you decide to do. I knew I needed to figure out how to manoeuvre my life – because I need choices and I should have choices. I don’t want to be passive in my mind. There’s very little that you can have real control over, but you can control your own choices.

My parents always worked really hard, and I knew that I didn’t want to work that hard. So I studied and did well at school, while also holding down jobs, to set me up for life. I didn’t quit my day job at a modelling agency for a while after I started making music. Then in 2018, I finally quit, but I was paying my rent and doing all the things you’re meant to do. But that was just my journey, and I don’t think you have to go to university. You just need to figure out for yourself what you can live with. My biggest priority is making sure I always have a roof over my head, so that I have more choices afterwards. But if schooling isn’t for you, then just go work and figure it out. But I do think that there needs to be some work ethic. And that isn’t necessarily a capitalist thing. It’s just important to be able to provide for yourself!
I love doing festivals and shows because there’s this physical tiredness afterwards. I can go home, get into bed, and I feel tired. I love that. I found it really difficult sometimes when I was just in the studio making music – I’d feel mentally exhausted, but not physically. I think physical exhaustion is quantifiable to me – it signifies working towards something. It’s just important for me to be able to rely on myself. I know that whatever happens – even if there’s failure – I have the ability to go out and work and do any job to provide for myself. I will be able to figure it out. And that’s what gives me confidence in the decisions that I make.

Yeah, there’s a lot of rejection, and a lot of making decisions that might not get you what you want. You can’t think of every opportunity as the only opportunity, because if it doesn’t feel right, you’ll regret it. Everyone has a vested interest in the decisions you make, so you need to be able to work out what’s right for you. Especially if you’re going to have a public-facing career. I don’t necessarily want to be famous, but I do want to be able to make work that I like.

Ultimately, I strive for satisfaction. I’m just yearning to be satisfied with life – physically, emotionally, spiritually. And there are things that are made easier by success in your career, and there are others that are made harder. My relationships have definitely suffered since making music, because the more one side of me is known, the less another side can be. It’s almost a natural by-product of what I’m doing. But I’m adjusting to it and I’m still really satisfied with what I’m doing.

I don’t really concern myself with what happens once I’m dead. That’s for everyone else, that’s not for me. That’s why I want to make the most of the life that I have while I’m living it, you know? So I just hope to make an impact whilst I’m still here.